Back in the Saddle July 13, 2009

Current Goal:  299

Current Struggle:  Exercise

Current Weight:  310

Current Mood:  Determined

When I was in my teens and twenties, I was a free spirit with what I call a “hippie” mentality ~ live and let live, no rules, total freedom, take each day as it comes, willing to try almost anything once.  As I matured, I was kind of horrified to realize that I really did much better in structured environments.  The rules, structure and boundaries that I had struggled against actually gave me a sense of security.   And this last month has been a big old reminder that I am going to have to stick to my routines that I know work if I’m going to be successful in getting and keeping this weight off.  In my defense, I did have an extraordinary amount of stuff going on that caused enormous stress.  However, I let the stress take over and get me off  track.  I didn’t gain any weight, but I also certianly didn’t keep the focus that I MUST have to keep the weight coming off.  And I’m relieved to say that I am back in the saddle again with renewed focus and determination.  I still have a lot of loose ends, but I don’t feel overwhelmed.  I’m back to planning my meals, making my lunch, and keeping my food journal. 

If I can glean something good from last month, it is the realization that stress really can be a huge obstacle to my weight loss, if I let it.  Whatever is causing the stress seems to take over and then I don’t do a very good job at keeping my focus where I want it.  I really want to work on finding ways to relieve the stress.  When I get to a calm place, I’m much better at staying on track.

Another thing I am learning is that I need to improve my meal planning.  I’ve really become a farmer’s market junkie because the fruits and vegetables are so incredibly fresh and last much longer than the stuff we get in a grocery store.  But I buy way too much, and then think I have to eat it all before it spoils.  I’m hear to tell you that there are limits to the amount of fresh, healthy food you can eat if you want to lose weight.  I’ve begun paying attention to how much I can actually consume over a week in terms of fruits and vegetables.  For example, I should only buy a couple of bananas (instead of a bunch), a couple small containers of berries insted of the giant size containers, and a few other pieces of various fruits like apples and peaches (or whatever is in season).  That way I can eat what I bought without putting pressure on myself to overeat just to avoid letting the food spoil.  Sounds like “duh!” but keep in mind that I have always struggled with quantity.  So, this realization is big stuff for me.  I still struggle with “not enough.”  But Jessica at Emory tells me that the way to change the feelings is to change the thinking first.  Each time I plan my food and then realize what I ate was enough, that fear of not enough will eventually go away.  That makes sense to me.

I still haven’t exercised, but I have a few more days before we meet in our group nutritionist session next week to make my commitment.  There’s no way I am going to show up not having met such a firm commitment.  We had a really fun workout at the forum last Saturday.  The whole workout was on those big balls.  Brandi is going to get us copies of the workout for use at home.  I’ll need a really big ball, but I can do or modify the workout.  I’m actually looking forward to it. 

So I close this post feeling more determined, focused and hopeful than I have in a couple of weeks.  I can again say with confidence, “This is MY year!!!!!”