Conflicted July 31, 2009

Current Goal:  299

Current Struggle:  Exercise

Current Weight:  307

Current Mood:  Conflicted

Yikes!  I almost forgot to blog this go around.  A dear friend called today to ask why I hadn’t blogged in three weeks and made me realize I needed to get it done.  (Thank you, Stephen!)  I just can’t believe how quickly the next blog deadline comes around these days.

I am very happy to say that I am officially half way to my 2009 goal:  loose 50 pounds.  I am only eight pounds from my current goal of breaking the “00″ (300) mark.  I am also very disappointed in myself for still not exercising.  I’m actually a little conflicted.  I absolutely know that a healthy lifestyle must include some form of exercise.  I don’t think that anyone can honestly say that they are “healthy” if they don’t participate in some form of regular exercise.  It certainly doesn’t have to be extreme, but it does have to involve movement.  On the other hand, this challenge has been about doing what works for us individually and learning from our mistakes.  The one single mistake that I have consistently made in the past where losing weight is concerned is doing too much at once.  Old behavior is to begin with cutting calories to an extremely low level and also beginning an extremely rigorous exercise program.  Eventually I hit a plateau, but I don’t have a way to bust it because I can’t reasonable lower the calorie intake or increase the exercise to a higher lever.  Then I get frustrated because the weight loss stops, so I give up and go back to bad habits.  I’m still working on and making good progress with the food issues, so I resist adding on the exercise.  Especially since I’m really just not ready to do it.  I know that I will eventually hit a plateau and at that time I know I will HAVE to — will WANT to — start with a reasonable exercise program.  But right now the weight is coming off without the exercise, so I don’t feel a sense of urgency to get moving.  Hence, the conflict mentioned earlier.  I know that I will begin the exercise.  I won’t be training for marathons or joining bootcamps like many of my fabulous teammates, but it will be something I am comfortable with.

I think my confidence is definitely increasing from my expereience in this challenge.  I have wanted to cut my hair very short for quite a while, but wouldn’t do it because I was afraid I would look like a pea head on a giant body.  But I came to the realization that I might just be being silly.  Hey – it’s just hair, right?  If I didn’t like it, it would grow back.  So, I took the jump (with encouragement ~ thanks Tammy!) and I absolutely LOVE it.  I think it looks greats and actually makes me look younger.  Also, the weight loss in my face is a little more noticable.  Last, I don’t look anything like a pea head on a giant body!  I should have done it a long time ago.

I am going to continue to focus on positives and try not to beat myself up too much for the things that aren’t going the way I would like for them to.  I’m not exercising, but I’m eating fruit and vegetables every day.  That is a huge improvement from where I was in March.  What I know for sure is this:  as long as I continue to put one foot in front of the other every single day, I will eventually reach my goals.  After all, this IS my year!!