All Of It August 30, 2009

Current Goal:   299

Current Struggle:  All of it

Current Weight:  311

Current Mood:  Determined

When I started the Challenge, the one thing that I absolutely knew I could do, and do consistently, was tell the truth.  Thankfully, that is just who I am:  honest.  And the ugly truth is that I haven’t just fallen off the wagon, I have crashed and burned over the last couple of weeks.  I haven’t gained any more weight, but healthy eating was definitely not the priority.  Oh, it bothered me…. consumed me is more like it.  But the more I worried and struggled, the more unhealthy my eating became.  So, I tried something different.  I just decided that I was going to stop resisting, turn it over, not worry about it anymore, and see what would happen.

And what happened is that it ran it’s course.  This weekend I’ve been able to get focused again.  I went to the farmer’s market and stocked up on my healthy foods that I really do enjoy.  I have my meals planned (at a high level) for the week.  Meal planning is something new I’m going to try to give me more structure.  I will weigh tomorrow morning and won’t be devastated if the number has gone up a little.  If  it has, it will come back down.  Turning the struggle over and settling down was a big relief for me.  I can let things get much bigger than they need to be and end up feeling overwhelmed.  But, today, I’m centered again.

I haven’t actually done any yoga yet.  I have, though, watched the tapes and now feel comfortable that I’ll be able to modify some of the moves and still get something out of them.  Watching workout videos is something that I KNOW you can relate to if you are extremely overweight like me.  I know ~ insanity, right?  Well, you just never know…. if sleeping with a book under your pillow can help you learn the material in the book, then just maybe watching a video will help tone you up without actually getting up and moving around. 

The mid-way show was on last weekend.  Brandi did an awesome job.  I think that show had a lot to do with me being able to focus and turn over the struggle.  Watching it made me reflect on why I started this and how far I’ve come.  25 pounds is nothing to sneeze at!  It helped me get back my determination to DO THIS.   That’s one thing I can say:  no matter how far off track I get, I’m somehow able to hold on to my determination.  I AM doing this.  I WILL meet my goals.  Because, we all know now, this is MY year!!!